Have You Noticed?
by ttfn.tahtahfornow
Summary: "'That's not—Christ, Malfoy—you can't just—you're—' 'I'm—mmph.' 'God.' 'You're right, Potter. I am God.'" Sleuthy Hermione, slightly dense Ron, and a little too much sexual innuendo to be healthy.


**a/n:** Thanks for reading:).

**summary:****"**'That's not—_Christ_, Malfoy—you can't just—you're—' 'I'm—_mmph_.' 'God.' 'You're right, Potter. I am God.'" Involves a sleuthy Hermione, a slightly dense Ron, plenty of Potter/Malfoy rows, and a little too much sexual innuendo to be totally healthy. DMHP, slash

x.x.x

**Have You Noticed?**

x.x.x

"Hey! Look everyone—Potter got a _P_ on his Potions exam!"

"You're such a prick, Malfoy. The only reason _you_ didn't get a P too is 'cause Snape's a prejudiced git!"

"Actually, Potter, there's nothing wrong with Snape. You're just stupid. That, and you absolutely suck at Potions—not to mention all of our other classes. In fact, I bet I'm above you in every subject!"

"Oh please. Ever heard of, I don't know. . . Defense Against the Dark Arts? I think we both know that's an area where I always come out on top."

x.x.x

"Ron?"

"What, Hermione?"

"Have you noticed something about Harry and Malfoy?"

"Like what?"

"Well, are you watching them right now?"

"Um . . . yeah. They're having a row. So what?"

"Are you _listening_ to them?"

"Um . . . yeah. Sure. They're having a row. So what? Harry and Malfoy are always getting into rows of some sort."

"You don't notice anything—different—about this row, do you?"

"Like what? It's a row! I'm hungry, Hermione. Let's go to lunch now."

"Oh, _fine_."

x.x.x

"I remember what you said about coming out on top in DADA, Potter, and I must say, _you're wrong_."

"_Wrong?_ Take your best bloody shot, Malfoy—I'll still have you on your knees by the end of class."

"As if. Ready to submit to my overall superiority?"

"Nice try, Malfoy, but I think we both know that I will dominate."

x.x.x

"Pss—Ron!"

"What—Hermione? What is it? We're supposed to be dueling!"

"Yes, yes, I know—just—_shh._ Keep your voice down. I want you to _discreetly_ turn your head towards Harry and Malfoy. Right now!"

"Wait—Hermione—_what_?"

"Do it!"

"Okay, okay, I did it. So what?"

"Well—look at them. What do you see?"

"They're dueling."

"Exactly!"

"Hermione, _everyone_ is dueling. We were put into pairs and told mock-duel for today's assignment!"

"Well—that's not quite—but, well—did you hear what they were _saying_, at least?"

"Um. . . yeah."

"_And_. . .?"

"So what? It's Harry and Malfoy—you expect them to be _friendly_ or something?"

"_No_, Ronald! Just—just—oh, never mind. Forget it. Let's duel."

x.x.x

"So, um, Harry. . ."

"Hey, Hermione! How's it going?"

"Oh, great, everything's great. But what about you, Harry? You know, I've noticed that you and Malfoy have been getting into a lot of—_rows_—lately. . . Is there something I should, I don't know, know about. . .?"

"Know about? What's there to know about? Malfoy's a poofter. End of story."

"Harry—don't speak like that! And—you don't really mean that, do you?"

"Mean what?"

"Malfoy! Do you think really think he's. . . _homosexual_?"

"Have you seen his fingernails, Hermione? His _hair_? Hah! He's a complete fairy."

"Right—well—right. Just—you shouldn't make fun of him about it. I mean—it's just not something to, you know, make fun of a person about. Especially if you think he really _is_. . ."

"Err. . . right. . ."

x.x.x

"Ron! Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"_That,_ Ronald, that! My conversation with Harry!"

"Oh, hah, yeah. Malfoy's a queer, eh? Hah! I should've pegged him earlier."

"Ronald Weasley! That was _not_ my point."

"Well, what _was_ your point then?"

"I—oh—well, forget it. Have you noticed anything about Harry, at least?"

"What _about _Harry?"

"Well—I mean—he mentioned Malfoy's fingernails! And his hair!"

"Um. . . yeah. So?"

"We've been through this already, Ron. _Harry_ and _Malfoy_ are _getting into rows_. . ."

"Yeah, and it's been like that for—what—nearly seven years now? Why the sudden fascination?"

"Because—you—urgh! Harry practically just _admitted_ that Malfoy is a homosexual!"

"So? He probably is! And what do you mean _admitted_?"

"Achk! Never mind! Just—just—I didn't mean _anything_."

x.x.x

"Malfoy! You just poured ink _all over_ my Potions essay! I worked for ages on that!"

"Whoops. Accident."

"Oh bollocks, Malfoy! You fucking queer, I can't _believe_ you just did that!"

"Me? A _fucking queer_? That coming from the Nancy-Boy-Who-Lived?"

"Fix the essay, Malfoy. _Now_!"

"_Fix it?_ How the hell am I supposed to get rid of all that ink, Potter? _Lick it off_?"

"ARGH—I can't _stand_ you, Malfoy. And—and—your father's doing hard time in Azkaban!"

"Oh, yeah, and _you're _ really one to be talking about _daddies_, aren't you, Potter? Do you see _yours_ somewhere? At least I've got a grip on reality."

"That's not—_Christ_, Malfoy—you can't just—you're—"

"I'm—_mmph_."

"Mm."

"Oh."

"God."

"Mmm."

"Mmm."

"You're right, Potter. I am God."

"Mmm."

x.x.x

"Ronald! Shh—come over here, quickly!"

"Hermione—what are you—why are you hiding behind a bookshelf?"

"_Shhh!_ Okay, look—just stand _right there._ Yes. There. Now slowly turn your head about. . . 45 degrees to the left."

"Okay, fine, but I still don't get why we're behind this—_Oh_."

"Notice something _now_, Ron?"

". . ."

"Ron?"

". . ."

"Ronald, can you hear me?"

". . ."

"Oh dear. Erm—Hospital Wing, perhaps?"

x.x.x

"Hermione?"

"What, Ron?"

"Have you noticed something about Harry and Malfoy?"

x.x.x

_End._

x.x.x

**a/n:**This was my first slash story, guys! This was also a one-shot, which means that now is the _only chance you have_ to give me feedback on it. And **I** _love_ feedback!

(Basically, that was my polite way of **order**ing**you****to****review**Now. **Please**)

Love to reviewers. :)


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